It’s been a considerable amount of time since I blogged so I thought I’d restart with a topic that is often confusing for some. That topic is: Consensual. Many wonder why women, or men for that matter, would allow themselves to be “abused” by someone (as it is often misconceived as being); or how can a true dominant/submissive relationship involve anything consensual.
The answer is beyond skin deep. This type of relationship is complex and goes well beyond the typical guidelines of vanilla relationships. There is a mutual agreement, an consensual understanding, and a large degree of trust. These aspects of the relationship are typically formed after a certain level of “a regular relationship” has been established; regardless of timeframe.
As you can imagine, in the beginning of forming this type of relationship there is a great deal of communication to be had. Each partner must discuss their needs, desires, expectations. You don’t always have to agree on everything, but respect during these initial conversations is important to and for both parties.
Compromise is to be expected. While one partner may not necessary have a desire to carry out a certain act, knowing that it will please, excite, or respect the other may well be suited enough. Carrying out these acts, while it may not excite you but knowing it does your partner, can be a very bonding experience. After all, a relationship is about give-and-take. Of course that isn’t to say that hard limits shouldn’t be respected. If one partner is completely turned off by a proposed act then that is certainly something to be respected.
All of these things add up to a level of consensus however there is still another key point to be made in regards to this consensual relationship style. The two partners agree on behaving a certain way. This includes the dominant. For example, the dominant agrees to take care of the submissive (however that may be for them), and the submissive agrees to behave in a way that pleases the dominant. If either of the two partners is not living up to their end of the agreement, the other partner has the right to break the relationship. While either partner has this right, this is the key point of how this style of relationship is not abusive; the submissive partner is not being held against her will. It is consensual. It is mutually beneficial.
A note about “breaking the relationship”. This, of course, can come in the form of the partner leaving the relationship. However, it can also mean breaking role; a timeout so to speak, to regroup, communicate.
The easiest way to remember how to keep the relationship consensual is to communicate.